For starters, I married an asshole. No joke. Talk about a disaster. So, from July 29, 2005-June 6, 2008 I ate out of misery. I can't even describe into words how unhappy I was and how critical 'asshole' was. Seriously, 'asshole' qualifies to be officially titled, Asshole, Founder of Douchebags. I'll explain in a future post. Viva Divorce!
Oh shoot. I went out of order. Dang! Let's be honest, Fatty loves her soda pop. Yummy yummy pop. That's my #1 fat drug that I still have yet to quit entirely. I relapse ALL. THE. TIME.
Now I have to place blame on reality TV. I friggin' love reality TV. Do you know what that means? That means Fatty loves to sit on her chunky butter buns to watch all the delicious drama. I'll tell you in a future post how Fatty here was able to conquer the TV hurdle. And you're not going to believe it when I say that I actually watch more TV now more than ever! That's RIGHT!
I suffered from Gym-Phobia. Do you know who go to gyms? Skinny people. Fatty having to walk into a skinny club with foreign machines that take an engineer to work scared the hell out of me! No flippin' way! And do you know where the eye is naturally drawn to in skinny clubs? The fatties. ME! Hell, that's what catches my eye.
Fast. Food. Fast. Food. Fast. Food. FAST! FOOD!
As if fast food wasn't bad enough...Super Size it with a Coke.
Hormone imbalance what? I'm a man? Hypo-Huh? Dr. Where-Have-You-Been-My-Entire-Fat-Life actually believed me when I said I wasn't losing weight when I starting trying and ran a bunch of blood work. Tah Dah! Hypothyroidism! Yay! My Thyroid produces too much Thyrotropin or TSH and not enough Thyroxine or T4!
The saddest part of Fatty's story? Fatty didn't realize that she was getting large. And the sucky part is that not 1 person in my family or any of my friends or coworkers or strangers off the streets had the decency/audacity to let me know that I was looking chunky and 2 seconds from going off the food band wagon and drowning in a bowl of double chocolate fudge pudding.
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